Chapter 4 goes into the topic of relationships and sexuality. It breaks relationships down into different types. The first being intimate relationships which are defined in terms of behavioral interdependence, need fulfillment, emotional attachment, and emotional availability. Types of intimate relationships include relationships with oneself, friendships, and romantic relationships. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love explains the connections between types of love and how they interact. Relationships are hard. Any one of us that has been in one knows that. So, having a successful relationship involves work. Practicing respect, enjoying each other’s company, and communicating all contribute to keeping a healthy relationship. Also, choose wisely who you enter a relationship with. The best romantic relationships come out of a friendship. You know each other better, and know better how to handle issues such as jealousy, unmet expectations, and power struggles. With relationships, it is also important to be very careful with social media. It can either bring people closer together, or tear people apart. What the chapter says about this can be summed up simply: don’t be stupid. Don’t post while drunk, and be aware that everyone can see what you post forever. Also, if your ex is crazy like mine, change your passwords when you break up. When it comes to communicating, honesty is always the best policy. Be open with your partner by practicing self-disclosure. This means bringing up some of the uncomfortable stuff like sexual history, but it is necessary. It’s also important to know your audience. Genders communicate differently, and the chapter outlines key strategies in identifying patterns. Knowing how to talk is just as important as knowing how to listen. Have an open mind when talking to your partner: don’t snap, don’t be distracted, and absorb what he or she is saying.
Conflict happens, and that is out of our control. Knowing how to handle it and manage it can be broken down into steps: identify the problem, generate and evaluate possible solutions, decide on the best one and put it into action, and follow up. In a fight, tension runs high. So, talking can be a challenge. Always try to keep a level head and be specific about what you are feeling. Use expressions like “I feel” or “I think.” Also, it’s never a good idea to have arguments over text. You can’t hear someone or their tone of voice, so miscommunication is a lot easier to come by. For me and my person (in the picture above) we don’t really have a choice but to communicate through technology. He was deployed to Cuba in February, and that was hard. I miss him, but I know he’s doing what makes him happy. At the end of the day, that’s what keeps me happy for him and keeps conflict at bay.
Committed relationships are, in my opinion, the best relationships. You’re in it for the long run, which is everyone’s goal. These are relationships like marriage, cohabitation, gay and lesbian partnerships, or making the decision to just be single. There are also the relationships that don’t last and fall apart. When your partner becomes abusive either verbally or physically, it is time to get out. These fallouts are often due to criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, or just good old hatred. The breakups are always hard. Hanging out with friends, letting go of the negativity, and resisting the urge to go for a “rebound” are all parts of the coping process.
The next part of the chapter focuses on sexual identity, how you identify with yourself as a sexual being. Sexual orientation refers to our attraction to others. About 1 in every 4,500 births result in DSD’s, or disorders of sexual development, in which people are born with both female and male biological characteristics. I’m sure at our age, we are all familiar with the male and female anatomy. However, the chapter outlines all of it in detail. The next part is for the ladies here. PMS, which a lot of people treat as an excuse for crabbiness during a woman’s period, is a real thing. The chapter explains it, and I’m sure some would do well to read it. Dysmenorrhea is the medical term for cramps, and menopause is when all of it ends.
Sexual response, or what we know as just sex, is broken down into the same phases for both men and women: excitement or arousal, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. The standards for these stages vary person to person and in reference to age. Nothing should really be considered “normal” or “abnormal”. Sexual expression can come in many different forms including celibacy, kissing, manual and oral stimulation, and intercourse. Some, that most don’t engage in, is known as variant sexual behavior.
Sexual dysfunction, which many face, is divided into problems with sexual desire, arousal, performance, or pain, and orgasm. None of these things are anything to be ashamed of, and should be openly discussed. Some sexual problems are the result of our own choices. 18% and 15% of college men and women, respectively, who drank alcohol in the past year reported engaging in unprotected sex. This poses the threats of STD’s, or unplanned or unwanted pregnancy. This is why it’s important to be mindful and responsible with our sexuality. Communication, again, is key, and knowing yourself is just as important.
Sexuality and relationships are both parts of our lives. They are things that should be talked about a lot more than they are and in a much more serious tone. Everyone talks about sex as if it’s some meaningless thing, but it is a serious topic and should be taken as such. When figuring out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, I considered a career in sex therapy. Maybe I am more open than others about the topic, but I have always been a voice of reason for my friends. I think knowledge of sexuality and various types of relationships is important and should be shared. So, I enjoyed reading this chapter and was glad to see it as a part of this class.
In terms of my personal goal, a month or so into the semester I was having a hard time. Going back to my chapter 2 post, I have been struggling with depression and it was getting pretty bad at that point. Unfortunately, it was harder to stick to my diet. The stress and anxiety made me slip and eat kind of crappy and drink more. In turn, I fell off the wagon a little bit with the gym. Normally, I’d use it as an outlet for my stress and frustration, but a lack of motivation is my biggest side effect with depression. I did not want to do anything or be anywhere, but luckily a couple weeks of struggling did not affect my lean mass.
Meghan's Health and Wellness Studies 